here is one for you

First off I'm very sorry for your loss.  Nobody should have to go through that.  That being said, I also believe he is also responsible for the end result.  He chose to get in that pickup with a driver that he knew had been drinking.  No she should not have been drinking but this is one of those circumstances where both parties knew what they were getting into and knew what the possible ramifications to their decision was. 

Wow!  That's a really tragic story.  My condolences on your loss.

It sounds like a plea deal has been reached.  There is a possibility that the judge might not accept it.

Having said that, what is it that you want to happen?  Do you want her punished?  If your brother had been driving and she died would you like to see him in prison?  There's nothing wrong with feeling that way.

I'm not real big on touchy feely things so suggesting counseling is odd for me.  But, maybe everybody involved might need to talk to somebody to get this sorted out.  Sounds like there are a lot of pent up feelings that might not be healthy in the long run.

Whatever happens, you need to think about yourself and your parents and how you get over this.  You won't change the past but you can affect your future.

I too am very sorry for your loss but at the same time I have always had difficulty with the philosophical position this country has gone in charging someone with manslaughter for car accidents. 

I had the very distinct displeasure of watching a 18 wheeler (tanker trucK) clobber two cars from the rear this last Monday morning at probably 50-60 mph.  As the rear bumper of the first car hit was pushed forward enough to almost touch the front passenger seat I was really apprehensive about what I was going to find when I reached the drivers side.

Thankfully she was wearing her seatbelt and nobody was in the back seat or it would have been very ugly.

I suspect that since the semi driver showed almost NO sign of seeing the cars he was distracted driving, maybe a cellphone, maybe a dropped cigarette on the seat, I have no idea.  All I do know is that he is most likely unemployed at this point for such an aggregious violation of safe driving.  If it turns out he was on a cellphone and someone had died, should he too have been charged with manslaughter?

I honestly don't know, but since we hear about this so often in the news the appropriate threshold for such a charge is something I ponder every now and then.  Maybe it's because the punishing of the driver really has little to offer in the way of preventing a repeat occurence that unsettles me, again I just don't know (just a hunch, but I bet she doesn't drink any more).

Again, really sorry for your loss.  Having it drug out this long has to be really tough on both families.

I too am sorry for your loss,and in the same breath I have to agree with farnorth. To feel that you and your family have been wronged to such a degree would seem to be unbearable.Calling a talk show may feel like it is helping,but do you really think anything positive would come out of it? or would it just bring up all that pain from losing your brother. I would also suggest to you to talk to somebody that can help you deal with the worst circumstances that you and your family will ever have to endure.

you know. you guys are right, to a certain extent. i know that nothing can ever bring him back. and believe it or not, i am the mellow one in this whole situation. here is why we want justice to be served.

that night, she LIED and said that my brother was driving that pickup. the police figured it out pretty much the next day that he wasn't driving, but nobody was told right away.  the drivers seat had the seatbelt used. the passenger seat did not. so he was driving the truck with his seat belt on and got ejected, and she was in the passengers seat without one on and walked away??? highly unlikely.

i was at work that night when my girlfriend called me and told me what happened. i drove the 50 miles back home and had to face all of my family and friends that were at my parents house. and you know what, i was cursing my brother. because we all were told that he was driving. i was so pissed at him. for going out drinking and driving around. so, i sat there and put him down for 4 days. this all happened on a wednesday night.

sunday morning, she confessed and said that she was driving the pickup. so there i sit. with all of those nasty things said to my brother when really, it wasn't his fault. yes, he shouldn't have been in that truck in the first place, but does that mean that he deserved to die?

had she confessed right away, this wouldn't have been nearly as hard. if i was the one driving and i would have killed someone, i would have stepped forward right away. and i know that the pain and suffering will always be there, and that he is never coming back to us, but had she simply apologized and admitted right away that she did it, the charges against her wouldn't be such a big deal to us.

and why isn't she getting a DUI? she blew a .17 and was proven to be the driver of the pickup. but all she gets is a minor in posession/consumption. why, because the cops that gave her the breathalizer used some preliminary machine that basically proves that you were drinking but apparantly does not hold up in court as far as the accuracy of the BAC. so, somebody wasn't doing their job. in fact, the sargent county officer that did this, was also going to let her go home that night without a breathalizer. but the highway patrol stepped in and got it done.

had she shown some remorse, it wouldn't be so bad. but she has none. and to walk into court this spring and plead not guilty to the three charges stated above, which she had obviously been proven of and were lessened because she is a defenseless little girl, is total bull#@#@. i guarantee you, if the GUY would have killed the GIRL in this situation, there would have been hell to pay.

 Sounds to me like both made bad choices that night....driving drunk, riding with a drunk...either could have called a cab or someone for a ride....what if your brother had been wearing his seatbelt?  A bad situation not doubt, but possibly your brother could have done things that would have spared his life, too?  Sorry for your loss in any case.

catmechanic,
I thought about your story quite a bit last night and this morning.  I won't even pretend to understand what you are going through and I have only a couple things to add to what I said right away last night.

First of all, if you decide to take your story to a talk radio program, you need to be prepared for the possibility of some responses that are less than nice.  You might get some support but you are likely to get the opposite from some people.

I still think you should consider talking to somebody about this.  Maybe your Priest or Minister.  If your employer is signed up with The Village through an EAP, you can get confidential and free sessions.  It's not weak to do that.  I've seen people screw up marriages and other relationships because of things like this.  Hang in there and don't try to do it all alone.

BTW, here's my take on the court case:  she entered a not guilty plea because her attorney told her to.  By doing that, the SA had to show his evidence.  Apparently it was clear to her attorney and also to the SA that there were holes that might make it tough to get the charges to stick.  They basically agreed to something less so she does face some punishment and doesn't walk away clean.  The probation will assure that she either cleans up her act or she will be in bigger trouble. 

This is difficult to read and even harder to respond too but let me say where I am at. My sister was also killed by a drunk driver at around 8am in the morning. She was getting on the school bus when the drunk driver decided to pass the bus. My sister was crossing the street and well, enough said.

I am going to use the word "victim". The word victim in my red neck dictionary is anyone that has to deal with something bad.

In my situation, the victim was my sister, a neigbor boy her age (ill get back to that) our family, the school bus driver, and the rest of the kids on the bus.

Everyone takes an emotional toll, somehow, somewhere. For our family it was very tough but we made it through. As for the neighbor boy, he didn't make it through. See, there was a deal at the bus stop with taking turns of who got on the bus first and it was my sisters turn but he decided to cut in line to be the first, he ended up with a broken arm and had to watch my sister die. Pretty intense on a 9 year old. So intense for so long, that at the age of 19 he committed sucide and cited that day in his parting letter.

So there was a judge and there was a jury ect, and for the most part, with the exception of some fines, probation and a little community service, she also got off more or less scot free.

Yeah, it sucked, but now that I am older what would I have wanted to see; eye for an eye would have been nice but would that bring my sister back; no, would it make the pain go away; no.

Just as the neighbor boy had to live with guilt of cutting in line, the lady driving her car will also have to live with the guilt of killing a child. People can come off cold, and not show remorse today, tommorow, or even 3 years down the road but one thing is true, they will never be able to get that day out of their head, and as I see it, that is a punishment and justice in their life at some point will be served.

Best of luck, I know what you are going through;  remain steadfast for your family, they need a pillar right now. 

et

My condolences as well.  But as others have said.  BOTH made bad choices.  Both young and old people do everyday.  But considering the age, I agree with the punishment.  She's going to be carrying that with her the rest of her life.  That's more punishment than what any criminal court could do.  If this is truly a "Christian" nation like everyone on this site says it is, then it sounds to me that you need learn to forgive.  It's the right thing to do.

I'm sorry for your loss. Sounds like bad decisions were made by both that night.

That being said my cell # is 701-721-0145 if any of my fishing buddy brotheren in the Minot area ever need a ride call me. No questions asked no judgement I just like to see everyone make it home safe.

My condolences to you and your family.

I agree that both made bad choices and this woman will have to live with hers the rest of her life. Not sure what or even if there is a right answer for you.

Man, that is terrible.  Im really sorry for your loss.  I think this whole situation is COMPLETE B.S.!  People get more time and a harsher punishment if they kill a dog or a cat... And they let people who kill other people off with pretty much a slap on the wrist!  Keep us posted on what the final verdict is, Im curious what she ends up getting.  I hope its alot like she deservise!

Does this girl need some time in jail. You bet.  "she has to live with it the rest of her life"  Yep... let her think even more about it behind bars for a few years.  She gave your brother a life sentence and she gets a slap on the wrist.... I am with you and your family on this one. 
The same people that are telling you, your brother is at fault as well and what she got is fine.... are the same people that want to throw the book at somebody for shooting a couple extra ducks or shooting a little buck when you had a doe tag. 
Drunk driving is a serious crime and when you take somebodies life I feel they should be made an example out of.  Killing somebody in a car crash is a serious deal.  The lady that killed my mother in a car crash.... well if she needed a little help to save her life.... i would sit and smile and not do a thing. Do I need some therapy......... been there and done that. 

well i have to agree with cat on this one.  she is getting off light.  a little jail time is in order at the very least.  in fact, i would think the girl would have trouble disagreeing.  the question i have is... could his life have been saved if she had used her fone to call 911 at the scene.  running two miles probably took her 20 minutes at least.  cause i am guessing she didn't run the whole way.  drunk, crashed, left the scene, lied.... punishments are also intended to deter others.  i realize she will live with this the rest of her life which is punishment itself and that he made a choice as well.  but, this doesn't send much of a deterring message to the rest of society. 

if you get in an accident and someone is injured and/or close to dead, the first thing on your mind better not be whether or not you are going to get a friggin DUI.  it had better be... "what can i do to help save my friend?"

i had a buddy who was seriously injured in an accident.  he was driving and he was drunk.  noone else was with him.  he was so scared of a DUI, him and those assisting him, didn't get him medical attention for close to an hour when he couldn't take the pain anymore.  turned out he had a fractured vertebrae.  risked getting paralyzed to avoid a DUI.  stupid.

tough story, my sympathies...I've lost some family and friends but not like that. I've also been involved in some court cases...sounds like this case didn't have the proper evidence in line. As a wise attorney once told me, you can't always expect to get justice in a court of law...you will get a legal interpretation of the facts at hand, but not always justice....and justice is a different definition for all. I wish I had more to offer, other than let the healing begin. Make your own apologies to your brother if need be...I don't think a radio debate will advance the healing process...God bless.

She may have gotten off lightly by legal standards but remember she has to live with this for the rest of her life.

i guess what pisses me off is that when i was younger, i got 3 minor in posession/consumption charges. not proud of it. but the judge that was removed from the case, was my judge for the first one and the third one. the third one, he gave me a 1000 dollar fine and 5 days in jail. plus community service. just for having a couple of beers in my buddy's apartment. and we were not planning on going anywhere. we were playing playstation for crying out loud.

so if i am going to get a 1000 dollar fine and 5 days in jail for having a few beers, why is she getting a slap on the wrist for killing somebody???

Cat, I know how you feel.I lost a younger brother,22 yrs  ago, to a alchol related car accident.I still think of him almost daily.But it gets easier as time goes on.I think the  young lady got off easy.But the fact remains, that punishment for her is not going to bring him back.Try to learn from this and help other learn from this.WHAT IS THE ONE THING THAT SAVED HER LIFE??? The seat belt.Start to use your and insist that everyone  in your vehcile buckel up.Turn his death into something POSITIVE.