Funnin'

DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas , and talks with an old rancher.

He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."

The rancher says, "Okay , but do not go in that field over there," as he points out the location.

The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me."

Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher.

"See this badge?

This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish....

On any land.

No questions asked or answers given.

Have I made myself clear?

Do you understand? "

The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.

A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull.....

With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored before he reaches safety.

The officer is clearly terrified.

The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs.....











" Your badge. Show him your BADGE ! "

good one.

I like it!!!!!   

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Your dog is a house pet you idiot. I am a democrat and have worked 10 hour days all week and Saturday to boot. Get a life!

ya dont put the dog down by comparing it to a democrat. 

Dam mine is a dumbocrat to.  But she cant help it so i'll let it slide.    To bad all the humans can help it and dont.   Its sad.

My dog may very well,be a democrat.But my wifes cat ,guards the dogs dish ,so it can't near it.Hide in obscure places and attacks the dog,with no provacation what so ever.Walksa around and act like he owns the place.If he does by chance ketch a mouse ,he stand over it and meow ,and calls alot of atention to it(bragging).and when the dog,finally get tired of all the BS and kick the cats butte.The cat hide under the bed  and pouts for DAYS.The CAT  has to belong to the GOP

In Washington , D.C. . an old priest lay dying in the hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation's capital. He motioned for his nurse to come near.

"Yes, Father?" said the nurse.

"I would really like to see President Obama and Speaker Pelosi before I die", whispered the priest.

"I'll see what I can do, Father", replied the nurse.

The nurse sent the request to The President and Congress and waited for a response. Soon the word arrived; President Obama and Nancy Pelosi would be delighted to visit the priest. As they went to the hospital, Obama commented to Pelosi, "I don't know why the old priest wants to see us, but it will certainly help our images and might even get me re-elected. After all, I'm in it to win!."

Pelosi agreed that it was a good thing. When they arrived at the priest's room, the priest took Obama's hand in his right hand and Pelosi's hand in his left hand. There was silence and a look of serenity on the old priest's face.

Finally President Obama spoke. "Father, of all the people you could have chosen, why did you choose us to be with you as you near the end?"

The old priest slowly replied, "I have always tried to pattern my life after our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ."

"Amen", said Obama.

"Amen", said Pelosi.

The old priest continued, "Jesus died between two lying thieves; I would like to do the same."

Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a Redneck ?

Here is a little test that will help you decide.

The answer can be found by posing the following question:



You're walking down a
deserted street with your wife
and
two small children.
Suddenly, an Islamic
Terrorist

with a huge knife
comes
around the corner, locks eyes with you,
screams obscenities, praises
Allah, raises the
knife, and charges at you.

You are carrying a
Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP, and you are an expert shot.

You have mere seconds
before he reaches you and your family. What
do
you do?

........................................................ .........

THINK CAREFULLY AND
THEN SCROLL DOWN:





Democrat's
Answer :


Well, that's not enough information to answer the question !
Does
the man look poor or oppressed ?
Have I ever done anything to him that
would inspire
him to attack ?
Could we run away ?
What does my wife
think ?
What about the kids?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club
and knock
the knife out of his hand ?
What does the law say about
this situation ?
Does the pistol have appropriate safety built into it?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind
of message
does this send to society and to my children ?
Is it possible he'd be
happy with just killing me?
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would
he be
content just to wound me?
If I were to grab his knees and hold
on, could my
family get away while he was stabbing me ?
Should I call
911 ?
Why is this street so deserted ?
We need to raise taxes, have
paint and weed day and
make this a happier, healthier street that
would
discourage such behavior.
This is all so confusing ! I need to
debate this with
some friends for few days and try to come to a
consensus.

... .................................................... .............



Republican's
Answer:

BANG !


....................................................... ...................................................... ..........

Redneck's Answer:

BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG !
BANG !
Click . . .. (Sounds of reloading)
BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG !
BANG ! BANG !
BANG ! Click
Daughter: Nice grouping, Daddy ! Were those
the Winchester Silver Tips or Hydrashocks ?
Son: Can I shoot the next one ?
Wife: You ain't taking that to the taxidermist !
 

Subject: Just Fred
 
A cop stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit,
so he asks the biker his name.

'Fred,' he replies.

'Fred what?' the officer asks.

'Just Fred,' the man responds.

The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the biker a break and, write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name.

The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it.  The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. 'Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?'

The biker replies, 'It's a long story, so stay with me.'  I was born Fred Johnson.  
I  studied hard and got good grades.  

When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor.  I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD.  After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school.

Dentistry was my dream!  Got all the way through School, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS.  

Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD.  

Well, the   ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS.  

Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD.  Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my  DDS  because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD.

Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am Just Fred.'

The officer walked away in tears, laughing.

 

Kaptain Said:
Your dog is a house pet you idiot. I am a democrat and have worked 10 hour days all week and Saturday to boot. Get a life!

Why are you still a democrat?

hopeandchangethis, What difference does it make? Why are you not a Democrat? I am registered as a Democrat for voting purposes. Im not really a Democrat or anything else, for I am not a politicion. I have one vote, just like everybodyelse. The big money has the most influence in elections, and now, that just got worse, So lets just let corperate America fix the elections with their stupid ass comercials and let the dumbass public believe the BS, because it has to be true, it was on Tv, and we can all take it right up the ass once again.

Kaptain Said:
hopeandchangethis, What difference does it make? Why are you not a Democrat? I am registered as a Democrat for voting purposes. Im not really a Democrat or anything else, for I am not a politicion. I have one vote, just like everybodyelse. The big money has the most influence in elections, and now, that just got worse, So lets just let corperate America fix the elections with their stupid ass comercials and let the dumbass public believe the BS, because it has to be true, it was on Tv, and we can all take it right up the ass once again.

       Why not be an independant? The main differance between the two main parties is the tax on money. Dems want more to spend and redistribute. Republicans want you to keep more to spur on the economy.
Why would you want to support the entitlement mentallity?

Kaptain Said:
Your dog is a house pet you idiot. I am a democrat and have worked 10 hour days all week and Saturday to boot. Get a life!

Whatever you say, Comrade...
LOL

hopeandchangethis Said:

Kaptain Said:
hopeandchangethis, What difference does it make? Why are you not a Democrat? I am registered as a Democrat for voting purposes. Im not really a Democrat or anything else, for I am not a politicion. I have one vote, just like everybodyelse. The big money has the most influence in elections, and now, that just got worse, So lets just let corperate America fix the elections with their stupid ass comercials and let the dumbass public believe the BS, because it has to be true, it was on Tv, and we can all take it right up the ass once again.

       Why not be an independant? The main differance between the two main parties is the tax on money. Dems want more to spend and redistribute. Republicans want you to keep more to spur on the economy.
Why would you want to support the entitlement mentallity?

See, your forgetting that FIRST you need to have a brain to not follow political alliances and just be a Constitution biding American.
 Most Dems have the mental capacity of a rabid badger..... Reps aint too far ahead of that.

Bill Clinton and the Pope died on the same day, and due to an administrative foul up, Clinton was sent to heaven and the Pope was sent to hell. The Pope explained the situation to the devil, who checked out all of the paperwork, and the error was acknowledged.

The Pope was told, however, that it would take about 24 hours to fix the problem and correct the error. The next day, the Pope was called in and the devil said his good-bye to the Pope as he went off to heaven.

On his way up, the Pope met Clinton who was on his way down, and they stopped to chat.

Pope: Sorry about the mix up.

Clinton: No problem!

Pope: Well, I'm really excited about going to heaven.

Clinton: Why is that? It's not that great.

Pope: All my life I've wanted to meet the Virgin Mary.

Clinton: Sorry, your Holiness - but you're about a day late.

President Clinton wakes up to a beautiful winter morning. The sun is shining, the air is crisp, and there is a light blanket of snow on the ground. He stretches and goes to look out the window at the snow-covered WhiteHouse lawn and sees the words "President Clinton sucks" written in pee in the snow.

Clinton gets all upset and calls White House Security. He tells them he doesn't care what it takes but he wants to know who did this. The Chief of Security returns in a couple of days to the President and tells him that he has good news, bad news, and real bad news.

"OK," says Clinton, "give me the good news first, then the bad news, and then the real bad news."

The Chief says: "The good news is after taking analysis of the pee, we know who the culprit is." Clinton nods and the Chief continues: "The bad news is the culprit is Vice President Gore." This really upsets the President, but he controls his anger and asks the Chief to tell him the real bad news.

The Chief of Security swallows and says, "It's in Hilary's hand writing".

Can you imagine working at the following Company? It has a little over 500 employees with the following statistics:

29 have been accused of spouse abuse
7 have been arrested for fraud
19 have been accused of writing bad cheques
117 have bankrupted at least two businesses
3 have been arrested for assault
71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
8 have been arrested for shop-lifting
21 are current defendants in lawsuits In 1998 alone
84 were stopped for drunk driving

Can you guess which organization this is?

Give up?

It's the 535 members of the United States Congress. The same group that perpetually cranks out hundreds upon hundreds of new laws designed to keep the rest of us in line.